Maybe Rest is a Good Thing

Let me start by stating facts.

My mom is a literal rock star! And is one of the most hard working people I know. Working a physically demanding full time job while raising a very active middle schooler on her own is a feat I will always admire.

But with hindsight being 20/20 I’ve realized that this busy lifestyle our household had did not leave space for rest. Dance performances, basketball games and mandatory overtime at work took over our lives, leaving rest to never be a big priority for us. The version of rest I saw my mom do was eating dinner while watching Wheel of Fortune and catching up on her favorite shows. And as I think about her evening routine and her complicated relationship with work and rest, I can’t help but think about my own struggles with making rest a priority in my life.    

As a child, I was raised with a high work ethic. I heard phrases like “You’ll feel better once you get to school” from home and “As a black woman you have to work twice as hard to be half as good” from society. Leaving me determined to be successful and ending up a workaholic.

And for the longest time I didn’t see a problem with that. I liked working. And my supervisors liked that I liked working. So it seemed like a win-win situation. Except for the fact that my mental and overall physical wellness were regularly losing. I’d wait until I was no longer in a state of functioning and then prioritize rest just long enough to build up the capacity to go to work again. The center of my universe was work and rest was just a conduit for more work. 

Yikes, I know. I’m working on it.

Through continued therapy, and a lot of trial and error, I’ve accepted the fact that resting does not come naturally to me but it is a necessity. Which has led me to make some lifestyle changes.

In an attempt to embrace this rest-filled lifestyle, I quit one of my 3 jobs and switched my schedule to a 4 day work week. A big and privileged change with a surprising impact. I’ve started to feel more refreshed and energized. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time but I began to crave more of it. And after riding that high of my first 3 day weekend, I came to the conclusion that I want a different relationship to rest than the one my mom has. 

Though I love and admire my mom in a variety of ways, I’ve realized that part of my well being includes having a different relationship with rest. As a human being that manages depression and anxiety, having space to rest and move slowly has become more of a necessity than an option. I value the way I feel when I’m rested. And though my workaholic tendencies are still very strong within me, I know that ignoring rest does not benefit me.

So, Here’s How I’m Trying to Embrace Rest

1. Not Overpacking My Schedule

Typically, I am the Queen of doing the most and it is so exhausting. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished through my persistence and resilience AND I recognize that operating at such a high intensity all the time is not sustainable for my body. I’m honestly still not used to resting. However, I know that if I keep a more balanced and rest filled lifestyle, in time I will get used to that too. 

2. Prioritizing Creativity

Being creative is restful for me. And when I spend all of my energy working my paid jobs there’s no energy left to be creative. Back in college I consistently made time to play and be creative but in this adulting world it’s become less of a priority and I am seeing the repercussions of that. However, I’m hopeful that by creating intentional space to be creative I can create daily rhythms of creative expression and pour back into myself. 

3. Being in Life Giving Community

Speaking of pouring back into myself, I am someone who loves and values pouring into my community. But if I’m honest, I have a habit of prioritizing them over myself at times. And as the internet likes to say “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. So, instead of trying to love everyone well, I’m trying to intentionally love myself well by investing in the relationships that give me life and fill my cup. And not overextending myself. 

As my basketball coach would say, practice makes it better. And this is definitely one of those situations. But I’m hopeful that rest will eventually become more familiar than foreign. And I will be more healthy and happy. 

What does y’alls relationship with rest look like?