After years of longing and many applications later, I’ve finally made the switch into Higher Education.
But I have been feeling moments of imposter syndrome since starting. My anxiety has been stepping up to assist in my internal work interrogation. And I’ve come prepared to answer her.
Can I actually do the work? I can! I’ve done a lot of this work before.
Does my team believe in me? They wouldn’t have hired me if they didn’t.
Can I make good change here? I truly believe I can!
Should I just fall in line and not rock the boat? Absolutely NOT. Get Creative Girly!
I’m grateful that this isn’t my first rodeo with battling anxious thoughts.
At the end of the day, I worked hard to be here and I deserve to be here. I applied to a bazillion and 1 jobs, studied and passionately strive to make a difference. I want this. And so here I will stay, until it is time to move on.
The poem Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson continues to give me comfort as I challenge my anxious perspective. The first stanza says the following:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
And to be honest I think she’s right. If I think about where I could be if I really channeled my gifts into the work I want to do, who knows where I’ll be. And isn’t that just the anxiety provoking beauty that is being human. We don’t know what’s going to happen next but we know it could be beautiful.
And that’s what I’m trying to focus on (Hopefully you are too)